Lilith

Lost in translation

My best friend calls me babe.

Sweetheart when he needs me to do something.

Hon, when he did something wrong.

Sweetie, when he misses me.

Darling, when he gets lonely.

I don’t call him.

It’s smoochy, sparkly, unneeded, unwanted and obnoxious.

I sit silently in my room reading his emails, messages… listening to his self-recordings of our favorite songs, looking at his newest vacation photo sessions he was so kind to send me, answering his questions about which suit he should buy, advising him on what to do with his latest ex, teasing him about how he looks early in the morning, avoiding to talk about myself, about us, about our time together in our home, with our cat and our coffee machine.

I do not call HIM.

I do not need him.

I do not want him.

I am perfectly able to live my life on my own. I’ve been doing so for the last couple of years and it was just fine…

Of course… it was easier when he was around and when I knew I could come home to him whatever happens outside. He wouldn’t judge me. He wouldn’t get angry. He would never raise his voice. It was easier knowing its okay to be quiet. It was okay even to cry occasionally with his arms around me, and his voice soothing me just as much as I could handle slimy thing like soothing.

But… I do not call him. No, Sir, not me.

I do not write him on how I feel.

How much I miss him too.

How lonely I am.

How desperate and angry and drowned in my own silence...

That’s private. My own thing. Not something I could write about. To him. To anyone… but myself.

{ 22:26, 8/4/2011 } { Poslao/la mazzapsycho }

lajk.
jos uvek si dobra u ovome.

nisam sumnjala, samo sam se podsetila.

{ 23:20, 8/4/2011 } { Poslao/la Lilith }

Lepo je znati da nisam izgubila "touch" za patetiku iako joj se sve redje odajem. Mea culpa.

Jos je lepse kad me tvoj komentar vrati u dane kada se cesce pisalo (i komentarisalo) - obostrano

{ 23:43, 8/4/2011 } { Poslao/la mazzapsycho }

jos uvek se lozimo na tebe i tvoje redove.

nema nam leka.
(a znam i zasto govorim u mnozini)

{ 23:45, 8/4/2011 } { Poslao/la mazzapsycho }

od svog onog pisanija, sada samo mogu da pastujem nesto staro, na neko novo mesto i konstatujem kako sam dobro pisala nekad, a jos bolje se komentarisala s nekima. i da se prisetim tog vremena i inspiracija. zao mi je sto je to past time. sto mi ne dolaze reci. mozda sam suvise dobro i zdravo.

{ 23:50, 8/4/2011 } { Poslao/la Lilith }

I ja se prisecam zasto pricas u mnozini

S vremena na vreme me uhvati "vremeplovno" raspolozenje, pa se vratim na pisanija od "onomad"... bilo je tu sta da se procita... kod tebe, el, yin, srne, tresnje i ono par muskih blogera (za zapat)...

Ako je sreca uzrok - nemoj ni rec da napises. Nikada vise.

{ 23:54, 8/4/2011 } { Poslao/la mazzapsycho }

stvarno je teze pisati kad si srecan. ili to samo o meni nesto govori.
naidjem to tebe i el, yinene... a muskih nema.

no, hvala onome ko me dovede ovde i oboji mi jedan deo zivota. i sve mu je oprosteno.

{ 00:03, 9/4/2011 } { Poslao/la Lilith }

Navucena na FB, k'o i svi smrtnici - mogu samo "like" da dopisem

{ 00:07, 9/4/2011 } { Poslao/la mazzapsycho }

zudim za dugmetom ''dislike''. priznajem.

{ 00:18, 9/4/2011 } { Poslao/la Lilith }

Ja sam radikalnija. Platila bih za "hate it"