Monday, July 4 - Rupa.
Supljina. Velika zjapeca crna rupa. Na mestu gde je nekad stajalo, cvrsto i nesalomivo, sad je otkinuto, zdrobljeno i izgazeno. Kaljavim cizmama. Na najgori moguci nacin. Prostacki i neoprostivo.
Mozda se nisam uhvatila u kostac sa situacijom na pravi nacin. Mozda sam sve radila pogresno, verujuci da ce jednom biti svejedno, da ce se rupa popuniti manje bolnim i znacajnim stvarima. Ali ona stoji otvorena, posoljena, dosadna.
Svakoga dana, svake noci tu je da podseti , da zapece. Ta rupa koju ne mogu zaleciti. Kao otvorena rana iz koje i dalje lipti krv na sve strane.
Mislila sam da se covek moze navici, da moze prevazici ako ima jaku volju i jak stomak da sve proguta i svari. Mislila sam da ljudi ne mogu doveka gledati unazad, jednom se napravi taj korak u drugom smeru, u boljem, zdravijem smeru. Ja ocigledno jos nisam koraknula.
Kako je neopisivo lako povrediti nekoga do samih kostiju i nonsalantno se nasmejati tom bolu koji izazivamo. Koliko je malo ljudskosti ostalo u nekima, koliko malo pameti i saosecanja. Koliko rupa.
Uveravala sam sebe i druge da ce proci. Da mora proci. Jednom, uskoro.. nekako. Da nece zatezati rana i oziljak. Da ce doci vedrija jutra, zdravije noci. Ali nista od toga.
Najvise me tisti nepravda. Nezasluzene suze i nepotreban bol u grudima koji me s vremena na vreme udari, govoreci mi da sam jos ziva.. da jos volim.
Volim osobu koja me je ostavila kukavicki, jadno. Osobu koja se potom vratila u moj zivot, ocekujuci osmeh. A kako sam mogla da se smejem kad sam lezala polomljena, iskidana? Najgore je sto jesam, smejala se i pravila da ona rupa nikada nije postojala. Dok me je lagao gledajuci me u oci, kao i bezbroj puta do tad. Dok me je bez skrupula ponizavao svojim lazima i trikovima.
Kako je moguce da nekoga povredis toliko, da budes svestan svega, te beskonacne boli koju nanosis drugoj osobi... a onda se okrenes i budes srecan??
Kako je to fer da on posle svega , posle toliko losih stvari bude srecan, a ja...
I ne boli mene ta njegova sreca... vise me boli ta rupa u mojim grudima koja nema nameru da nestane...
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Pošalji komentar!
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Monday, July 4 - 10:34 AM |
| Poslao/la Y |
a mene zanima kako je moguce voleti takvo bice?
da li je to ljubav ili zelja, nestvarno jaka zelja da se takav neko prevaspita i prilagodi sebi?
dan freeda: ) |
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Monday, July 4 - 11:14 AM |
| Poslao/la km07 |
Rupe su čudo. One su biološki, psihološki, kulturološki... čak i kosmički fenomen. Down the rabbit hole, how deep do you want to go? Od blatnjavih rovova u kojima se skapava u vodi i krvi, do zone sa privilegijom, VIP rupa koja miriše na tunjevinu. Čovek izlazi iz rupe i u rupu se vraća. Mrak ga doneo, mrak ga uzeo. A on ceo život sanja svetlost. I rupu.
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Monday, July 4 - 01:35 PM |
| Poslao/la Freeda |
Y,
i ja se to pitam vec duze vreme.. kako je moguce voleti nekoga ko te na ocigled svih spusta da bi se on osetio znacajnije, vrednije.. uz koga si u dobru i zlu, cije poraze primas kao svoje...a onda taj neko ode bez ijedne reci.. Nije on samo mene ukaljao i izdao, vec celu moju porodicu koja je to videla mnogo pre mene, a koje nisam slusala.. sad mi se sve vraca desetostruko...
a da li je to ljubav? nisam sigurna...i ne bih zelela da jeste...
dan Yinena  |
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Monday, July 4 - 01:37 PM |
| Poslao/la Freeda |
km07,
rupa ima na svakom koraku.. narocito u Beogradu.. samo sto je neke lakse preskociti, zaobici.. a neke te zveknu u sred bica, i od njih jedva mozes disati... |
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Monday, July 4 - 02:15 PM |
| Poslao/la km07 |
Pa verujem da ima... Evo, ja sam toliko sam puta popio pedalu, da me više i ne dotiče pomenuta tematika na način na koji bi trebala. Trenutno ne mogu da razumem zašto bi neko patio za drugim ljudskim bićem. Ni gde mi je pamet bila kada sam ja to radio. Ako me nećeš, take a walk... Jednostavno je. Ne plašim se novog bola, jer znamo svi dobro da je to uvek u pozadini svega. I da po inerciji stvari dolazi na red, kad tad... Više me brine čistina koju njegovo odsustvo stvara. Šta raditi sa tim...? Ispuniti novim bolom? Koji kao neće biti bol, a znamo da hoće...? Vraćati se starim greškama i slabostima ili nešto naučiti i početi, više voleti sebe nego one koji to ne umeju? Da li je to sebično? Ili mudro?
Ne znam. Nisam pametan... Ne mislim da imam rupu u srcu, ali postoji nekakva crna mrlja koja se pomera iz dana u dan, i nikad ne znaš gde će osvanuti i koji deo života ti učiniti nepodnošljivim. I koliko dugo. Nekad je to pesma koji nisi smeo da pustiš ili čuješ, jer te asocira na osobu xyz. Ili frizura koja te podseća, haljinica sa istim dezenom, ime, način na koji formira rečenicu, upaljač iste boje, jebena melodija na mobilnom i prokleti Vlado Georgijev, zaista mnogo stvari... I taj sadržaj melje ko zna koliko još ljudi. Ti pojmovi, boje, asocijacije... Svi se hvatamo na iste udice.
Raspisah se i previše. Pozz |
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Monday, July 4 - 02:19 PM |
| Poslao/la Napaceni |
| Ne radujem se tudjoj sreci, ali ipak mi je drago kada vidim da nisam jedini kada je u pitanju ljubavna patnja. |
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Monday, July 4 - 03:53 PM |
| Poslao/la Nurlisoul |
ja nekada mislim da osim što sam kršćanin jesam i budist.... ja mislim da je sve u našim rukama...stvarno Free. ...kao što se odričemo prava na cigaretu, alkohol ili slične ovisnosti tako se moramo odreći prava da nam netko nanosi bol (nije pravo već totalno krivo),.....i jednostavno svakog dana učim da naučim biti ponovno cijela....mijenjamo sebe a ne svijet....i uvijek je to ona priča o borbi vukova u nama...uvijek pobjeđuje onaj kojeg hranimo...budi sretna i sretna Free. u tebi neka pobijedi....to jednostavno tako mora... |
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Monday, July 4 - 05:52 PM |
| Poslao/la Freeda |
km07,
da svet je prepun tragova onih koji su otisli.. a mi protiv toga ne mozemo ama bas nista... Samo da stisnemo zube i istrpimo nalet te rupe.. a onda je opet prekrijemo novim uspesima i porazima...
Niko ne bira da pati za drugim bicem, neke stvari su jednostavno ponekad jace od nase volje.. Jbg.
Napaceni,
ima takvih, pun ih je svet... |
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Monday, July 4 - 05:55 PM |
| Poslao/la Freeda |
nurli,
mozemo se fizicki zastiti od te boli, mozemo odabrati da ne pusimo, ne pijemo, ne patimo... ali ljudskih je slabosti previse, kad tad negde pokleknes..
Ono sto za sebe mozes uraditi, sa druge strane je da pored svega i mimo svega ides dalje, uzivas u sitnicama...i budes srecan, na kraju..
lepo vece zelim |
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Saturday, February 16 - 11:38 AM |
| Poslao/la Alex |
| science has anything to do with this.Our candlear traditions come from the Greek and the Romans (with influence from the Egyptians).However, far before that, the biggest celebrations of northern latitude people was the winter solstice, or more precisely, when it could be observed that the sun had started back on its northerly trek after the longest night (a few days after the solstice).This was the purpose of many of the henges (including Stonehenge) in what is today UK, at least 4000 to 5000 years ago.With such instruments, you could not tell the exact declination of the Sun, but you could tell when the azimut of sunset had started its northerly movement, by noting when the azimut changed by the sun's apparent diameter (half a degree). This was 4 or 5 days after solstice (around December 25 yet, I believe that the coincidence is not a coincidence).In may civilizations, the year began with this observations. The Mayan candlear (now made famous by doomsayers and hoaxers) uses the winter solstice as the start of the year.In Rome, the civil candlear began the year in March (that is why September litterally means 7th month) because that is when the War season began. Before that, the roads and field were too muddy to wage efficient wars.However, the Roman religious candlear began in January (Janus, the two-faced god, could see the past and the future he was also the god of doors, being able to see both sides at once). Rome had all kinds of celebrations around that time of year: the return of the armies (bringing Peace on Earth after a fashion), the war trophies being given by the soldiers (gift giving), the orgies, the eating of too much food and of exotic foods (brought back by the armies) and, of course, the solstice, with its practice of lighting candles and bonfires to chase away the long night (Christmas lights).When the Christian Church took over (4th century) they tried to ban such celebrations. When they could not, they tried replacing them with Christmas (even though they already knew that Jesus was not born in December or January) and Circumcision enough to make a grown Roman cringe.The New Year (civil and religious) was moved to December 25 (actually, to sunset at the end of December 24).Still, people partied on and had fun (how could they! Fun was a sin! the World was about to end). So the new year was moved around, until it ended up at Easter.Easter is a movable feast. So those who wanted a fixed date tried to move it to April 1 and that worked for a while, but with some popes switching it back to Easter and others returning to April 1 (and other dates were tried). This continued for a long time until a king of France changed it to January 1 (to make accounting easier and, more importantly, to place it in the middle of winter, when nothing important was going on). The practice quickly spread to the entire Christian world, as this king had the support of the pope (maybe it was the other way around ). Considering the knowledge and tools of the era, a henge was a scientific tool used to determine (as close as was possible then) the date that the sun started moving north. Therefore, it was a scientific way to determine the start of the year.Moving it to other dates for religious reasons was a move against the scientific evidence The French Revolutionary candlear had the year begin at Autumn equinox. It was completely built by scientific thought: all months had 30 days, all weeks had 10 days called first day, second day, third day I'll let you guess for the rest and there were 5 free days of national holidays at the end of the year (therefore at the end of summer) when you could really enjoy 5 days off. On leap years another bonus day was added.That was the most scientific candlear devised so far and it did not catch on. |
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