Nije da nije

...he takes another train again... whatever that song goes like.

This is a very short message to all the girls out there.

You know when you kind of have - a thing? for someone? It's like, you don't know really why, oh why??? do you like that particular person. You spend some time brainstorming and trying to find excuses like...

"Oh, his an a$$hole - he had a rough childhood" 
"He has no friends - he is just a bit shy"
"He is a pothead - he needs an artistic way to express himself and that poor sould needs to escape the cruel world around him".

I am writing this because I had a revelation on this topic from a view point of a good friend. My friend, as described before - had a thing - for this... Guy? Can we even call him a guy? He was more like an impersonal entity, a shallow shell that can be filled with what she wanted him to be. That's the bush in which the rabbit lies - lol - an old Serbian proverb, sorry - meaining that that's the catch.
We don't like THEM, we like what we want them to BE.
That's why we fall for the worst of the worst, and they just keep attracting us again and again.

I am so sick of being haunted by the ghosts of the past.
And uhm It's been going on for years, but now, after this - I can finally say, I'm free.
I don't NEED you. I don't want YOU. I wanted something you weren't.
After such a long time, I finally get it. Thank you.

I am so sorry if I've hurt you, too. Somehow I would always blame you for all my problems. But I know you don't care, that's the catch lol.